There is a lot of content changes that where based on class learnings, discussions, and content. My intentions going into revising my original post was to make sure that the content is clear, concise, correct any F-pattern weaknesses, and ensure all content is written in plain language. I have broken the changes into categories below which will help identify the clear changes and the bases for those changes. Starting off with the headline and the subhead, they stayed the same however I image of a bike hanging from a ceiling was added to reflect the nature of the content. This bike could be one that is hanging up in the shop. The subhead has a clear promise of value on top of explaining that WCB is the best place for coffee and bike. The promise is that if the reader continues to read they will receive 45% off their first visit. This promise is fulfilled at the bottom of the page, with a clear call to action where the readers is prompted to sigh up to WBC’s email list.
The Hook inside the introduction copy of the original post was 1 group of content, that posed question, but felt wordy, and long. The revised version was broken up into each question had their own line to allow for better readability, better structure, flow, and to better leveraged the F-pattern style.
The Bolded headline answered the question posed by the copy above. It’s bolded to indicate the senescence and attract attention to the reader in accordance to the f-pattern writing style. To develop a better flow, this headline was integrated with more copy in order to provide a plan English version to this text, the extra copy was added so the meaning and purpose of the sentence was clearly understood, (I’m telling and showing the reader what I mean, not implying in future copy what I mean).
The image I used is a high-quality photograph of a girl on bike looking like she’s enjoying herself. This reflects the nature and appal of the text that above which is communicating that Windsor Cycle Brew is the place where the reader can enjoy this type of feeling/joy when they ride with one of our bikes.
Paragraph 1 is revised to be more concise (using 4 sentences) and word replacements where used to make the content easer to read. Old version lines like (foraged just for you, community focused bike and coffee shop whose purpose is to serve you in all we do) to the new version which reflects a more plain English nature. The Windsor Cycle Brew is a community-focused Bicycle and coffee shop whose purpose is to serve you high quality bikes, coffee and experiences. It’s clear concise, and uses plain language to communicate the purpose. Than to keep engagement to the reader I phrased a question which attracts the interest and curiosity of the reader by asking “how do we do this?” This than seaways into the bulleted list of care values that WCB has. Numerical numbers where used for the F-pattern and also assist in the readability level of the content.
The next subcategory is the 3 bullet points that have descriptive text underneath them. This first allows for a more convenient and easy flow to the readability and rhythm of the content according to good F-pattern practices, as per class discussion. The first bullet point is the community goal, and the text is shorter, and uses plain English to make the information easily digestible, and scannable. The content uses secondary pronouns to engage the reader and allow them to feel like the content is actually for them. Next the passionate goal bullet point. This is structured with the F-pattern and relies on short sentences, easy words, and a clear purpose of the content. Lastly was the Revised version of the quality goal. In accordance with plain English writing, I changed the “dynamic craftsmanship” to “Quality.”
This provides a clear understanding if the reader scans through the content, they still will know the core purpose of WCB. The content also uses secondary pronouns to engage the reader again.
The second last paragraph is revised to be a plain language structure to the content and enables the convivence of the F-pattern flow. The focus on this paragraph is to have a clearer and more concise summery of the business that encapsulates everything that is written.
The concussion headline is written so that there is a encouragement to engage with the business and motivate the reader to visit WCB. The premise of WBC is to be a community hub, which is reflected in the content. This also is written in-plain language, and F-patten style which assists in the goal of developing clear, concise, easily scannable and readable.
The last part is a call to action where the reader is prompted to sign up for the email form where they can receive the promotion that was promised in the first subhead. This lasting call to action is the goal of this introduction post. As per class discussion there needs to be a clear purpose in each component of content a business produces. This purpose correlates to where the consumer (reader) currently sits within the sales funnel. The purpose of the business is to provide something that solves a want or need. Due to this each piece of content needs to fit into that grand plan. This call to action is to encourage readers to sign up based on what they have read, and the promoting offering. If they are just signing up for the promotion or genially introduced, I can segment those when I continue data analysis. But for the premise of this assignment, this call to action allows for this post to educate the reader on my business, introduce the concept and then encourage a desired response, or action I want them to take which to get them to sign up for my email list. So, the purpose of this post is 2-fold.
After all changes have been made, the content was checked by the Hemmingway readability level which gave me score of Grade 6/7 and the reading length is roughly 1 minute. I learned the importance of what exactly plain English writing looks like when the content is styled and structured through the F-patten. The importance rests in the reader feeling like the content was written for them, to demonstrate that their time is important and valued.
| Text Line: | Original post | Revised post based on class content |
| Headline | Windsor Cycle Brew: The Only Place with the Perfect Blend of Coffee and Bikes! | Windsor Cycle Brew: The Only Place with the Perfect Blend of Coffee and Bikes! |
| Subhead | Windsor Cycle Brew is a community-based Bicycle and coffee shop! | Windsor Cycle Brew is a community-focused Bicycle and coffee shop! Keep reading to find a 45% off coupon on your visit first! |
| Hook: | Our purpose is to serve you in all we do. Have you ever felt lonely? Are you longing to be a part of something bigger? Ever wish you could enjoy being active with a community of like-minded individuals? | Have you ever felt lonely? Are you longing to be a part of something bigger? Ever wish you could enjoy being active with a community of like-minded individuals? |
| Bolded headline: | Look No further | Look no further, because Windsor Cycle Brew has been created just for you! |
| Paragraph 1 | because Windsor Cycle Brew has been foraged just for you! Because this has been made just for you! Windsor Cycle Brew is a community-focused Bicycle and coffee shop whose purpose is to serve you in all we do. We are made up of three key components that serve as spokes in all that we do. | Windsor Cycle Brew is a community-focused Bicycle and coffee shop whose purpose is to serve you high quality bikes, coffee and experiences. But how do we do this?Through 3 key components:CommunityPassion Craftsmanship |
| Bullet 1 | 1) Community: Our priority is to be a hub in our community that will welcome and serve individuals with a space to gather, relax, and connect. Our shop has two categories: coffee and Bikes. The space is developed with you in mind, fostering the atmosphere of a modern bike shop with the serenity of a coffee shop. | Community goal To welcome and serve our community and provide our customers a space to gather, relax, and connect. The Windsor Cycle Brew store is a space developed for YOU! the atmosphere is a mixture of modern bike shop featuring the serenity of a coffee shop. |
| Bullet 2 | 2) Passion: Regardless of your level of biking ability, Windsor Cycle Brew provides an environment for passionate, athletic individuals who are interested in biking, share a passion for quality, and are cycling enthusiasts of any skill ability. The purpose is to experience joy in the shared passion. | Passionate Goal Welcoming to all bicycle skill levels, WCB is a hub for passionate, athletic individuals who are interested in biking, or cycling enthusiasts of all skill ability. The purpose of our existence is to asset people experience joy in the shared passion. |
| Bullet 3 | 3) Dynamic craftsmanship: Coffee and Bikes have much crossover, which is why both the Coffee and Bikes offered at Windsor Cycle Brew will always be offered with an emphasis focusing on precision, craftsmanship, and quality components to craft a dynamic environment for everyone. | Quality GoalOur commitment is to provide the highest quality coffee and bicycles so that YOU can enjoy precision, craftsmanship, in a dynamic community. |
| Paragraph 2 | To set in motion and empower a dynamic community of goal seekers. Altogether, this shop will service those who seek an active social lifestyle in Windsor and those who want a unique enticement to hang out in. Windsor Cycle Brew offers affordable bikes and crafted coffee that will empower like-minded individuals to enjoy the process of achieving their goals. | Windsor Cycle Brew will bring affordable, high-quality coffee and bikes to those who want to be active, social, and empowered in Windsor- Essex. Partner with us, accomplish anything. |
| Button | N/A | I enclouded a hyperlink to my about us page on my WCB website, This helps with SEO, and also allows the reader to choose to read more. |
| End paragraph | N/A | Join our community to be motivated and empowered by a dynamic community of goal seekers. |
| End call to action | N/A | Subscribe to our email list to keep up to date on the latest updates, relevant content, and receive 45% off your first purchase at Windsor Cycle Brew! (email links sign up bottom) I included this hyperlink because it encourages the reader to subscribe to my business and receive more targeted content, and promotions if the future. |